A few weeks ago, Jon Acuff in his blog Stuff Christians Like had a post about the veiled snarkiness in the phrase “Just saying.” He proposed that using this phrase is what some people consider a “Get Out of Jail Free Card” that people use to say mean things. Recently, I’ve noticed another phrase that is older, that is used to convey both bitterness and condescension. It’s not really the complete phrase, but an introduction to a phrase. I hear it all the time, but whenever I hear “Some of us …” I dread what follows.
Why is this common phrase, so bad? Let’s go to an example to see. While it is used in many different forms the most common one that I have seen is the phrase “Some of us have to work.” Imagine making plans with a group of friends to go somewhere, but one friend has to cancel because they get called into work. Afterward, when the group is talking about how much fun the outing you hear, “I wish I could’ve gone, but some of us have to work.”
First, this shows bitterness because it shows that the person is not happy with their situation. Not that voicing displeasure is wrong, but the second characteristic of this phrase makes this method of vocal disapproval wrong. It implies condescension to the others hearing this. It implies, “I wish I had it as good as you,” It’s as if you are saying, “It must be nice.” Because he was called into work, does that mean that his job is more important than the others? Is he implying that the others' jobs are all easy and stress-free?
Next time you want to express your displeasure in your situation, consider how you talk about it. Think of ways to say things that don’t talk down to others. Instead of saying, “Some of us have to work.” Say, “I hate that I had to go to work.” Instead of saying, “Some of us can’t sleep till noon.” Say, “I wish my job had more flexible hours.”
Try to be more intentional it what you say. Didn’t Jesus warn us, “On the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak” (Matt. 12:36).
2 comments:
Some of us don't find phrases starting with "some of us" to be offensive. Ha, ha, ha! I couldn't resist!
Good point, Ryan. Tone is so important, as is embracing your situation in life. The other thing I'll say is that there are pros and cons, boons and sacrifices to every part and stage of life. Where one person is working harder, they may also have more money in their bank account or better job security; where one person has more free time, they may be sacrificing something else to have free time (for instance, I spend a lot of time sitting outside with my rambunctious puppy, but I don't have a clean house and have some very undone projects!). The sooner each person can realize that their life is not on a parallel path to everyone else's life, and that comparison is impossible, the better.
Very true! Thanks for the insight.
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