How attached am I to this world? This is a question that I think of quite often. Do I have too many things? Am I too concerned about things that don't matter.
Last weekend, Rachel and I moved. It seems that whenever I move I think about this. I think it is because when you look at everything that you own all in one room, or in the back of a truck, and then you proceed to carry it all somewhere, you really start to see that you have a lot of junk. These are the times that I am tempted just to get rid of it all -- well, at least the things we don't use.
Then as a person moves, there's the slight worry in the back of his or her mind about the status of the stuff -- What if something breaks or gets ruined? We had this happen, when we were putting sheets on the bed, there was a little smudge and a fabric pull on our matress. Thankfully, we handled it well. But what if it were my guitar? Or my books? How would I handle it if something happened to the things that I really care about? I hope that it would be ok.
Then I think about the fact that I am now a husband and a soon-to-be father (its coming very fast too). I see what Paul meant in 1 Corinthians 6 when he suggests staying single. His reasoning is that you are more concerned with the things of the world if you have a family, and in a way, you kind of have to be.
Friday, for instance, there was a huge wreck while I was on my way home. This happens a lot because I commute 30 miles on the interstate through Nashville. But this wreck was about 2 miles from home. I was in an area that I knew how to navigate around anything, but had passed all alternate routes before the traffic situation came to light.
So I was stuck. Sitting in my car, three minutes from where I wanted to be, and I started to worry. As ambulances and tow trucks passed me going to an accident that I could not see, I started to worry about whether or not Rachel was at home or not. I know it seems irrational, but she was running errands earlier that day. I tried to call to tell her I'd be late, and there was no answer. This brought more worry. I'm not usually a worrier, so these type of feelings are not only new, but strange to me. I thought about if Rachel was in the wreck that the baby would be in a lot of danger. And that would put Rachel in a lot of danger too.
I think that I had my first bout of fatherly instinct. This will come in handy, since we're having a girl. But I will say that now, there are two things in this world that I have an extreme attachment. I think that I would handle watching my guitar being thrown into a woodchipper, as long as I know that those two girls are safe.
This poses a dilemma in my mind. Something that I ponder often. I do believe that my primary responsibility is my family. I believe that it is wrapped up in my responsibility to God (see 1 Tim. 5:8). But what about Jesus' call to forsake all. He says that if I don't love him more than I do my mother, father, even daughter or son, I am not worthy of Him.
The conclusion that I have come to is that I think that it is all about balance and perspective. Of course, I am supposed to love my wife and my children; God gave them to me for a reason. But I love Him first. In working for them, I am being responsible with what God has given me.
